Photo by Kevin Dooley courtesy of Creative Commons

I’ll fess up. When I first moved to San Francisco, I went to every single themed party. Pub crawls, love fests, eighties prom, you name it. At the time, these events seemed very unique and one-of-a-kind. There’s such joy being in a city where there’s no shame in wearing a tutu on public transportation. And WHERE ELSE do hundreds of people wake up at 6 AM, drink, then run (or more often walk) across the city?!

Maybe there was less redundancy then. Bootie SF, a mashup party that happens every Saturday now, used to be once a month. You had to wait an entire month before having an incredible night with drag queens, aerial shows, and so many bodies dancing like nobody’s watching (but so many are from the balcony above).  

I felt a change in the air when the same neighborhood festivals kept popping up around the city. North Beach, Union Street, Haight Street, etc. How can so many streets provide the same teriyaki meat sticks, artisanal handmade crafts no one wants, and crammed beer gardens? What I first loved about this city was how you could walk a few blocks in any direction and be transported to new colors, smells, and energy. Do you remember the first time you wandered into Chinatown? Or the tenderloin? It was magic! Or at least terrifying, which makes you feel just as alive. So who wants to wander into the same festival all over town? 

Some parties have retained their unique value. Folsom Street Fair for instance. Sure anyone can walk through, but I don’t know too many Marina bros getting whipped and dick slapped while 100 people watch.

Now SantaCon is coming up this weekend. For the few of you who don’t know, it’s the one where everybody dresses up like Santa (or elves, or reindeer, or dreidels) and drinks around the city. This event happens in many cities around the world. And it’s one I’ve never been to. I’ve never actually avoided it in the past, but this year, I’m dreading it. It’s just gotten too big. Instead of being pleasantly surprised by a group of santas crossing the street, now there’s no escaping them. This isn’t to pass judgement on those attending. My favorite dog park down the street will be swarming with bros sneaking a piss on the lawn I lounge on, but fine. It’s all cool. You’re all cool.

But in a city that hates on big business and chain restaurants , why are we ok mass producing fun? We come to cities to reject the monotony of the suburbs, but the sprawl has infested our parties.

It’s time to bring back the funk. Have an intimate gathering of 3 people and paint an image of each other’s naked bodies ON EACH OTHER.  Maybe a throwback to wholesome fun? Pop-up lemonade stands blasting Beach Boys and handing out hula hoops.  There’s no reason we have to reuse the same party ideas every year, month, week. Quit being lazy SF.

Help San Francisco get its quirk back. If you have ideas, shout it out (and send an invite yo!), I’m all dried up for now.